a change of heart.

When it comes right down to it, I really can't complain about much. I don't know why I so frequently do complain but honestly, I'm sick of it. I focus on the negative, always. Truthfully, I'm a very happy girl now & I'm a very blessed girl. When it comes right down to it, I have everything that I'll need. I have a God that I love 100%. My actions may not always prove it but my heart does & that's for sure. I'll never deny my love for God. I'll never question it, ever; regarless of what people might say and how people may look at me. Someday, my relationship with God will be as strong as I want it to be but for now, I'm just glad that he's there; always, whenever. I don't have perfect friends. But who does? Each & every one I have are perfect to me. I honestly couldn't ask for better best friends, even if I only have two of them. The only thing that I could ask is that they'd all be within a reasonable distance of me but I've never had that luxury before so I may as well keep it that way. I have a family that although they aren't what I wish they were sometimes, they're mine. My mom is mad silly but still mine. My sister is the coolest girl I know & even though my dad can be really nice, yet sometimes make me cry just like that without even knowing it, he's my dad; he's mine. I love the three of them more than I'll ever, ever, ever be able to describe. I long for a relationship to look up to. I long for guidance, for love, for comfort. I know I'll never receive any of those as much as I'd wish for but, I'll take what I can get, & that'll just have to be enough. I want the one person who makes me feel perfect. So again, I need to stop being negative. I need to stop being... "depressed" and remember that there are people out there who experience so much worst. I'm not gonna act like its the end of the world just because of boy problems I've experienced before. I need to stop being distant & mad. God, I want you to be more real than you've ever been before. Thank you for things that happen for a reason. Thank you for being real. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, no matter what, always. Friends, I don't call, I barely even answer anymore & I truly am sorry. You all make me more happy than I could ever ask to be & I am so, so, so thankful for all of you. Family, you'll probably never love me as much as I wish you would. & Finally, to myself: Diandra, get a grip. Stop complaining. Stop whining. Stop being negative. Stop thinking that everything could be better. Honestly, nothing could. Even if it's not just what you want, it is what it is, & that's just going to have to be enough. Smile more, laugh more, be 'you' more. Happiness, it's all I need & it's all I've got, honestly, & I finally realise that.